Motherhood: Too Much and Not Enough

How is it possible for motherhood to feel like it’s not enough and too much at the same time? 

When people ask me what I do for a living, I hesitate. I have to stop myself from saying, “I just stay home with the kids.” There’s nothing “just” about it. It’s legitimate work. I know that because I live it, and I still have to remind myself not to downplay it.

Women often talk about losing their identity once they become a mom. Society makes us feel like we’ve lost our personhood if we choose to focus our lives on our family instead of a career. That societal pressure breeds insecurity, and it pushes me to prove that I’m still a person, and not “just a mom.” MLM’s capitalize on this pressure on moms from society by encouraging stay at home moms to be “girl bosses.” The side hustle is glorified and moms feel like they have to turn their hobbies into income. Prioritizing my children over a career makes me feel like I’m not doing enough with my life. That’s ironic because I feel like I’m constantly “doing” in order to take care of my kids and my house.

I sometimes feel guilty for not bringing in money, but I feel overwhelmed by the constancy of my job as a wife and mother. I’m working hard, but it seems less valuable because I don’t get an income from it. It seems like our house always needs more groceries and cleaning supplies. My kids need new clothes every season. I seem to always be shopping for necessities, and I feel guilty for spending the money.

My feelings of overwhelm often stem from internal pressures that I’ve put on myself. I want to have activities planned for my kids every day. I have a hard time just letting them be bored (because then the whining ensues.) I want to limit screen time and make sure they spend enough time outside. Other things on my to-do list include reading Bible stories and to them and keeping the house clean throughout the day. I want to be productive and check things off my to-do list so that I feel like I’m doing enough. Then I have things I can point to and say “look what I got done today.”

My biggest mental drain is my compulsion to always be aware of potential dangers. Like a radar, my brain is always “on” so that I can protect my kids. You’re probably picturing a cave woman protecting her children from wild animals and wondering why a modern mom like me needs to be so diligent. In truth, I don’t need to be so diligent. In fact, I can’t be. I need to trust God to protect my kids because I can’t protect them from everything. I’m not enough to keep my kids safe on my own, and I’m not designed to be. Pressuring myself to think of every possible danger to my kids and protect them from it is so overwhelming.

In the midst of all my overwhelm, I often get discouraged. It’s easy to feel hopeless when you’re relying on yourself. Especially when you already have your children relying on you. I don’t have the strength to be everything for my children. I can’t be enough for them. It seems so obvious when I type it out, but I often operate from the mindset that I can be enough for them. Or that I have to be enough for them. Otherwise, I have to let go of some control, and that can be terrifying.

God gave me these precious kids to nurture. Motherhood comes with so many overwhelming tasks that can bog you down. It’s busy and I quickly get caught up in daily life. When I’m not focusing on my to-do list, my mind wanders to big, ambiguous worries that I have no control over. Both daily and future concerns can be so draining when I’m not relying on God to give me strength. If I’m not trusting Him to take care of me and my children, I am overwhelmed by it all.

My job as a mother is valuable. It’s a role that God gave me, and it has an impact on His kingdom as I raise my kids to know Him. However, it’s not enough to fulfill me, because only Jesus can do that.

Being a mother can feel like too much to handle at times. That’s when I know that I haven’t been looking to Jesus to take care of me and my children. I’m still learning how to let go of control, but I’m grateful for the hope I have because of Jesus.